I've been thinking..

a few things actually..

Firstly.. I've always held a high regard for certain people's opinions and beliefs in my family. I guess as a child you have the naive belief that your mummy or daddy is always right, that they are the perfect person. But I guess growing up, as you start formulating your own opinions and become more independent.. it's inevitable that you'll come across things that you don't agree with your parents on. I'm not talking about silly little things like.. whether you should go to a party of not. Things that have more weight on your life. So.. as I've found.. you naturally (or maybe not) begin to doubt your opinions because they don't match up with your parents'.. afterall.. parents are older than us and therefore are all the more the wiser. But.. is it possible that perhaps.. they might be wrong about some things? Parents are after all human and not superheroes. Well.. this has been crossing my mind here and there. Does disagreeing with your parents necessarily mean that you are wrong? or does it simply mean that you have differing opinions on the topic and hence.. everyone is entitled to their own opinions?

Secondly.. In GG this week we learnt about how God's word changes people... like silver refined in the fire until the creators reflection can be seen in them. I was particularly convicted by the questions "were there any 'idols' you had to turn from when you became a Christian OR are there idols in your life you know you need to turn from?". Becoming a christian implies change. Becoming a christian also implies devotion to God. People serve many things in life.. in other words.. there are many things that people live for. Some live for money, to be rich, successful, powerful. Others live for beauty, popularity, attention, the opposite sex. Others live, waiting for the next hit; drugs, alcohol, what have you. Still others live in their own fantasies of what life should be like.. living in their dreams. Mostly... people tend to live life for themselves and only themselves.. afterall.. it is your life right?
Well... becoming a christian means denying yourself and following God. I want God to be the top priority in my life.. but often I forget about God.. and go back to living for myself and any number of things which include some mentioned above. Are there idols in my life that I know I need to turn from? Yes! But.. is just knowing that enough? I don't think so. What's the point of knowing your faults, and not doing anything about them? No.. I definately need to make a change. Knowing is just not enough. The question that followed was.. "How do you feel you are serving the living and true God right now?" That one hit me hard. Being honest with myself.. I knew that I wasn't being very faithful to God. But don't get me wrong.. being a christian and having to give up all these 'idols' isn't a burden. It's a sacrifice that you make.. just like any sacrifice that you'd make in any other relationship. But not to say that it's easy either.

One of the things that struck me was that.. I watch TV an aweful lot.. and always seem to find a way of squeezing it into my life, even if it means sacrificing time with God. I know this isn't right.. and a change has to be made.. but knowing that doesn't mean a thing if I don't actually make a change. I've known this fact for a long time now.. but really haven't made much of an effort to eradicate it. Well.. I'm putting my foot down (for as long as I can.. and knowing me.. it probably won't be for long.. but hey.. at least I'm making an effort). I don't wanna give too much priority to tv or books or movies in my life anymore. Especially... Romantic Comedies. I know that most people consider them to be pretty harmless.. espcially girls. I love romantic comedies.. but you know what I've realised.. they're really really bad for you. You know why.. because they give you a false impression of what being in a relationship is like. Even so.. I say to myself "I just watch them.. I don't take them to heart".. but I know that's not true. You may not realise it.. but they actually do impact the way you see relationships. Ever noticed that RomComs hardly ever show the bad sides of relationships.. or if they do.. they put much more emphasis on the good parts. The reality is... being in a relationship is not happy happy la la la all the time.. but RomComs make you subconsciously think they are. I don't wanna be a cynic or pessimist or anything.. I just wanna be realistic and guard myself from such things.. for my own benefit. I'm not saying that I'll never watch a RomCom ever again.. coz knowing me.. I probably will.. but just saying that I wanna be more aware of the message that RomComs send and how they effect me. If it's not something that you struggle with then good for you.. that's great.. really... but try and support me on this.. or at least understand.

And you know what now.. I'm beginning to really appreciate my singleness. When you think about it.. and put aside all your girlish (or guyish?) ideals of romance and relationships (forged by none other than RomComs).. being in a relationship isn't all that it's cracked up to be if you're not ready for total commitment. Being in a relationship limits your freedom... it ties you down.. and not just for those with commitment phobia. You quite literally lose a lot of freedom. The words 'enjoy it while you still can' have never made more sense to me. But heck.. if you're totally ready for it.. then of course.. go for it. Btw.. being younger than 18 generally means you're not ready yet. Even being younger than 21 might mean you're not ready for it.. especially for guys (don't wanna man bash but it's generally true). This is of course assuming that you know that I don't 'endorse' dating just for fun. If you're not ready to get married.. then why start dating? It's just a waste of time and freedom. You could be doing a great number of things with your life before settling down. So.. I've lately really come to cherish my singleness.. and that partly comes from seeing people that were in relationships.. but aren't now.. and seeing the benefits of that.. and that someone might even give up being in a relationship to be single.. and therefore have more time to do ministry. I find it really encourageing.

Thirdly.. I was walking to the bus stop at Central today. Now usually.. I stand with a few of my friends while waiting for the bus. So today was like every other day.. I walked up to them.. said Hi.. but as I did.. I noticed this girl.. not a total stranger.. a girl in my year.. and whom I've shared a class with for 2 years.. but not someone that I'd ever talked to much before. She recently moved out West and so started catching the same bus as me.. but my friends don't know her much either.. except one of them. Anyway (that was a really poorly structured sentence.. lol), she doesn't usually stand with us.. she just stands be herself.. guess she doesn't feel comfortable coz she doesn't really know us. So.. as I was walking.. Alastair's words about befriending someone you wouldn't usually befriend.. came to my mind. She was just standing there all alone.. and then I looked to my friends (whom I love but.. that I see and talk to everyday).. and thought.. this'd be a good opportunity to say hi and talk to her and stuff. Then the thought crossed my mind to not.. because it'd just be too weird.. my friends would probably be like "what the heck is she doing?". But.. just decided to go over there and say hi anyway. It was actually really cool. I expected her to really shy and not say much.. kinda hard to get a conversation going when that happens. But she was actually really easy to talk to. She did seem to be moving farther and farther away from me.. lol.. could it have been the stench?! lol nah.. but she was cool. Then on the bus we talked some more. It was cool really.. like.. instead of just sitting there.. talking to the usual people.. to actually get to know someone new. Cool experience.

Fourthly .. there are many things in life that contradict eachother. I like to think that a lot of life is about balance. You don't wanna be extreme or anything.. but just.. balanced. I balanced person is typically..... the most well thought of and I guess.. 'normal'. Anyway.. my point is.. life is like a balancing act. The two things I was thinking about are as follows.

1. "Study hard.. but don't make studying your life". or something along the same lines.. like.. "Don't put too much emphasis on being top of the class.. but doesn't mean you shouldn't study or make an effort". The difficulty is in finding a balance between these extremes. Something I continually struggle with.

2. In the context of relationships.. "No one is perfect.. but don't settle for second best".. and/or.. "Don't set your standards too high.. but don't set them too low either". Talk about total confusion! What's a person supposed to do?!? How do you find the balance? Thoughts anyone.. please?

Fifthly..just wanted to mention that I'm sorry that I don't post regularly.. and that when I do post.. I do so excessively..lol.. but I prefer to post only when I feel like it and have something substantial to post.. and I guess the thoughts just accumulate.. hence the long.. tiresome post that you have by now I'm sure, become well accustomed to. I'm not much of a fan of sitting at my computer for an hour or so typing up total rubbish.. no offence if that's what you do.. lol. If you can't take reading everything in one go.. how bout just reading lil sections a day or something? lol.. i dunno. Not that anyone's made a complaint btw.. just wanted to let you know.

Okies well.. that'll be it for now.. until next time!

Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must
deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to
save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.
What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits
his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"
- Matthew 16:24-26