I'm usually really dead during Night Service.. just counting the minutes till we can go to dinner (sorry, it's just usually the end of a long day).. but I was surprisingly awake and interested last night. Oom Joe's talk was about trusting God and hanging in there as a christian even though it seems like everyone else in the world who do the wrong thing are prospering and you get left behind. I didn't take any notes but here's the outline from the bulletin for whoever couldn't make it.

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Bible reading: Psalm 73:1-28
Theme: Is God fair?

Introduction
The Bible declares that God is good, that He is in control and that He desires the best for us. But how do we cope with those times when we doubt that god is fair?

Message
1. The pride and hubris of men and women (vv1-12)
It is hard to take it when the ungodly rub it in to us who dare trust in God at all times in everything

2. The struggle of the righteous (vv13-17)
We will constantly have to deal with doubt as to whether it is worth it to go on trusting in God

3. The fate of the unrighteous (vv18-20)
With God there is the assurance of judgement and vindication

4. God is the strength of our heart (vv21-28)
Make God your portion forever

Conclusion: Hang in there and hang on to God! He won't let you go.

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Last year I studied Greek drama in Ancient History so for those that don't know... hubris is like, used in Greek drama and it means like... to have a sort of, self-conceited pride in yourself, in your own achievments.. like arrogance... and in Greek drama, hubris is usually the greatest fault of the protagonist. As a result of their hubris, they incur the " gods' " wrath and then everything falls to pieces.

I guess something that hit me was when Oom Joe said that pride can usually be the biggest barrier to someone becoming a christian and that when life doesn't seem to be going the right way, that's when we realise that we need to rely on God and not on ourselves. I think that I have a lot of pride.. I have high expectations of the person that I should be and what people expect me to be.. and when I fail to be the person I wish I was... it really hurts my pride to admit that I do have failings.. and I just feel so disappointed in myself.. and I just feel like it's so hard to share that with someone because well.. it hurts my pride.. but sometimes I wonder if I could just forget about my stupid pride, whether the hurt would go away.. whether it would make things better? But then it's just like.. you'd feel so exposed.. like people would see right through you all the time and of course.. you'd be vulnerable to their judgement.. and of course, that would hurt your pride too. So... where do you turn to?

I guess I know that I'm taking this out of context and that it's not what the psalm is referring to.. but I still think it applies.. just as the psalmist turns to God and realises that God will bring all to justice.... I know that I can always turn to God.. admit my failings.. and He will forgive me and not judge me like people would because Jesus took the judgement and punishment for me. I honestly haven't been turning to God until very very lately.. I've just chosen not to communicate with Him.. so yeah, please just pray that I can forget my pride and turn to God more in my life and ask Him to help me stay strong in my faith.

I've posted this before but I just think this song is sooo thought-provoking and meaningful..

"Stained Glass Masquerade" by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails
Is there anyone that falls
Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small

Cause when I take a look around
Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover
That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we'd close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there
Are there any hands to raise
Am I the only one who's traded
In the altar for a stage

The performance is convincing
And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching
Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free
If I dared to let you see
The truth behind the person
That you imagine me to be

Would your arms be open
Or would you walk away
Would the love of Jesus
Be enough to make you stay